Did you always know you would go back to work after starting a family? Why or why not?

Yes, financially it was necessary, and my Type A personality and impatience do not lend themselves to working in the home. 

Tell us about your planning for your new child – timed around your career? Not at all? What unique challenges did you face as an adoptive family in this regard?

After six years of infertility there was little regard given to timing of the adoption.  We simply began the process knowing that we could not control the arrival date and would just deal with the chaos when the time arrived.

What was your biggest initial concern and/or obstacle to going back to work after starting a family?

My travel schedule that had me on the road 60-70% of the year.

How did you decide which partner would go back to work? What issues factored into that decision?

There was never a question or discussion about either of us staying at home.

If you needed to return to work, did you have a back-to-work mentor? How did they help?

No, not even sure what this is.

How long was your family leave? If you needed to return to work, how did you feel about it?

12 weeks.  But I did not get leave, I had to use my 6 weeks of vacation and then 6 weeks of unpaid time off.

Were there different policies in place for bio vs. adoptive families?

Because giving birth is the one thing that gets you the medical leave, my company’s insurance company did not see adoption as a medical need and therefore did not offer any type of leave.  They have since changed the policy and give 3 weeks in addition of vacation days.  At the time my company did not provide any financial assistance for adoption, and they have since added $4000 in financial assistance. 

Have you, or a partner, paid it forward as a parent in the workplace? Tell us a bit more.

Nothing more than being a sounding board for an employee with fertility concerns, and an understanding heart when an employee had sick kids.  (Most of the time I managed an office none of my employees had kids.  My son was the first to be born of the group, followed 3 months later by another co-worker.  There were limited opportunities to mentor anyone. 

How did you work with your adoption agency or Human Resources department to plan for your family leave and return?

As the manager of the office, I kept the process to myself until we had a match.  At which point I gave my direct boss about 4 weeks notice and she elected to tell no one.  So, when my son was born I literally went to the office before driving to meet him, set up an out of office, left notes for my co-workers, and crossed my fingers.  I had to ask a few clients to spread the word of my whereabouts after my boss waited to tell people.  (She liked to pretend like people would not notice things … little things, like when I left the company she pretended like I was coming back.)

When did your confidence around work kick in? How long did the adjustment take (or are you still adjusting?)

Right away, I had to come back 1 week early to cover an all dealer meeting in Miami for 3 days.

What, if any, advice would you give to employers to ease strain around family leave and returning to the workplace?

Make sure their work is truly re-assigned during the maternity leave, do not expect them to check in, do not expect them to attend meetings, and support the staff that is covering the maternity leave.  (My situation was a little different, since my company did not offer any type of leave for adoption and 6 weeks was vacation, my company treated the situation like they would treat anyone on vacation and expected responses from me.)

What I wish I had known:

That we were not alone in the adoption process, and I wish I had had the confidence to stand up to my company to benefit me, but I am glad that my situation led to changes in policies to benefit others.

One mistake I learned the hard way:

Clearly, I was walked all over by my company and my direct boss, and I allowed it to happen.

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