AS THE MOTHER OF TWO DAUGHTERS, WHAT IS ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU WISH YOU COULD OFFER YOUR FORMER, EXPECTANT SELF?

Remember that everything is temporary. The long nights when it feels like you’re the only one awake in the world, the baby only wanting to sleep on you, the roller coaster of emotions, it will all pass. You’ll look back soon and be crazy enough to want to do it all over again.

 

YOU LIVE IN HAWAII AND WORK REMOTELY WITH WHAT SEEMS TO BE AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED AND HIGHLY DRIVEN GROUP OF WOMEN AT #SAMSALES. HOW DID THIS PHASE OF YOUR CAREER COME TO LIFE?

I’m a military spouse, so when my husband’s job moved us across the country, I needed to leave my in-person role at San Diego State University. I started working at #samsales during the height of the pandemic and the second year of business for the company. As the company grew, my role expanded, and I began leading our first marketing efforts. Looking back, I had no idea what I was getting into when I started working at #samsales – little did I know the dynamic group of women I was going to learn from and grow with and that they’d be with me through multiple moves and two kids.

 

THINKING BACK, WAS YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE AS A NEW MOTHER WORKING? CAN YOU GIVE SOME FLAVOR TO THAT TIME IN YOUR LIFE? IF MOTHERHOOD WAS NOT YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE, WHAT WAS?

The great thing about working remotely is that you can work anywhere. The worst thing about working remotely is that you can work anywhere. I returned to work after my first daughter was 12 weeks old, my mom looked after my daughter part-time while I worked. When my mom wasn’t around, I fit work into my daughter’s naps. That was not always a success – leading to one giant mess during a webinar when she got off of her nap schedule! If she was awake, and I got a slack message or an email, I felt the need to respond immediately and always be available. I quickly began feeling guilty about not being present in either work or home. I had to set boundaries for myself that when I was with my daughter, I wasn’t working. She deserves my full attention, and as long as my team understands my limitations and working hours, the responses can wait.

 

AND NOW, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE WITH A FULLER HOUSE? YOU JUST HAD BABY NUMBER TWO. HOW IS YOUR FAMILY OF FOUR DOING? WHAT ROLE DOES YOUR PARTNER, YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY PLAY IN YOUR DAILY AND BIGGER PICTURE?

We’re adjusting better and better every day! In the beginning, it felt like everyone needed me constantly, and there was only so much of me (running on such little sleep) to go around. My toddler has been craving more mommy time lately, but she has loved being a big sister and helping out with the new baby. I try to include her in everything I do and get 1:1 time when we can. 

When we lived near family, my parents played a much larger role in our lives. I miss them! Since we’re in Hawaii, we have less help, but I’m thankful that my husband has been able to be home (rather than deployed) for the time that we’ve been here. His schedule is always changing, but when he’s around we share parenting duties including getting the girls ready for the day, feeding, diaper changes, baths, bedtime, cooking and cleaning. Living in Hawaii means I sometimes have very early meetings or webinars, and he takes over for me in those instances. Now that we have two, we’re often on man defense rather than zone – never a dull moment!

We have been in Hawaii for a little over a year. We live on a military base, meaning people quickly connect and welcome you into their community. It’s one of the best aspects of the military community – everyone understands what it’s like to be new, far away from family and friends, and constantly transitioning in jobs, schools, and daycare. My mom came to help for a few weeks after I gave birth to my second daughter as well.

 

YOU HAVE BUILT QUITE A POSITIVE NAME FOR YOURSELF IN MARKETING AND AS ESSENTIAL AND CENTRAL A ROLE YOU PLAY – YOU SEEM TO BE HAVING A REMARKABLY GOOD TIME. IS IT REALLY AS FANTASTIC AS IT APPEARS? WHAT’S THE SKINNY?  

Haha! Thank you 🙂 Don’t get me wrong, we work hard, but it actually is a really good time. I chalk that up to our founder and the culture she’s intentionally created at #samsales. Especially in a remote organization, it’s difficult to feel connected to your teammates, and we have actively tried to create connections. When you have personal relationships with the people you work with and feel supported, you’re excited to be together and put in the extra hours when the situation calls for it. We’re all pushing toward the same goal, collectively, and we all have the opportunity to grow in our roles.

 

WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHERE DO YOU FIND YOUR SUPPORT? TIME TO CARE FOR YOURSELF? ACCESS TO THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO RE-CHARGE?

I’m still working on that! This season of life feels like there’s not much time to recharge, but when I have a moment I like to take the dog on a walk, do a quick yoga session, or go out to dinner with my husband. Going to get a massage is the ultimate luxury!

 

WHAT STANDS OUT IN YOUR MIND WHEN THINK ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH OF MOTHERHOOD? HIGHS AND LOWS?

Lows : realizing that some people will not respect the decisions you make for your family. Questioning all of your life choices when putting your kids in daycare for the first time.

Highs: there’s nothing like holding your baby for the first time after birth or seeing your two kids together for the first time. I am loving this toddler stage right now where you see their personalities come to life. My daughter makes me laugh constantly, and I love hearing all of the things going on in her brain!

 

WHAT WERE YOUR BIGGEST EARLY CAREER LEARNINGS? HOW DID YOU HANDLE THE TRICKY CHOICES YOU MADE, INCLUDING MAKING THE MOVE TO REMOTE WORK?  HOW DID THIS IMPACT YOUR FRIENDSHIPS? RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR NOW HUSBAND? DID YOU EVER HAVE A MOMENT TO REST? AND, OF COURSE, WHAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU NOW, IN THIS BRAVE VERSION OF YOUR NEW WORLD AS A WORKING MOTHER?

• You never know where you’ll end up – take every opportunity and open every door. Don’t be afraid to pivot.
• I did lose a bit of my identity while out of the job market after our first cross-country move. I had to find confidence in myself outside of work – identifying value and skills as a whole person not simply or only as a professional. I have really grown to see and identify as the whole of myself and be confident in the qualities that make me a great person.
• I’m quick and decisive, I don’t do things that don’t bring me joy…there’s no time for that!
• One of the unforeseen beauties of becoming a mother is your automatic initiation into the mom’s club. My relationships with my mom friends have become so incredible. When I look at my friends who became moms before me, I think,“I had no idea, I wish I had been there for you more” because really moms share an understanding that one doesn’t share with anyone else. 

 

 

WHAT PRO TIPS DO YOU HAVE TO SHARE WITH OTHER NEW OR EXPECTANT MOTHERS?

No one knows your baby better than you. Everyone has a different theory or methodology – if it’s working for you, that’s all you need. 

HOW DO YOU PAY IT FORWARD? GIVE BACK? 

We give back as a company to veterans, military spouses, and teachers. Personally, I enjoy mentoring refugees through Lutheran Social Services. I know I’ve benefited greatly from others, and I hope I can give back as well.

 

WHAT WILL YOU CONSIDER “WINS” IN IMPROVING MATERNAL HEALTH AND OUTCOMES? PARENTAL LEAVE? OVERDUE MATERNAL SUPPORTS? WHAT IS YOUR FOCUS? AND HOW DO YOU RALLY THE TROOPS?

Maternal Health is in need of change. We need to offer more services and check-ups for women after they give birth – six weeks feels like an eternity when you’re struggling. 

We need to offer better parental leave nationwide. I feel lucky to have had 12 weeks, and that’s still way below average compared to the rest of the world. 

My husband had a 2 week leave with our first (2021) and 12 weeks with our second (2023). This made an enormous difference in our relationship and in our parenting. We have used 3 weeks (at the time of her birth) and plan to use the rest as needed.  In 2021, my husband left quite often on two-week work trips. When he would come home, I needed to teach him a whole new routine. Babies change so quickly! This left me in a management role that neither of us expected or wanted – it placed the onus of planning and mental load on me, and left my husband wishing he could be of more help but unsure of himself. With his longer leave and lack of overseas assignments, we’re able to share “ownership” of our parenting duties and both take initiative. It’s had a wonderful impact on our family and how we raise our daughters.  

 

WHO ARE YOUR MENTORS? WHO DO YOU MENTOR?

I consider my boss a mentor. Even with her packed schedule, she always makes time to help me grow as an employee and a person, and I know she has my best interests at heart. I’ve also stayed close to two of my former colleagues from San Diego State – Mark Ballam and Nancy Nicholson. I consider them both friends and mentors. I also had a more formal mentor through the American Corporate Partnership program, an organization focused on helping transitioning military members and spouses. It’s a fabulous program, and I’d like to become a mentor myself when I have a bit more time!

 

FILL IN THE BLANKS:

As a working parent, I never expected breastfeeding to be so emotional and difficult. I carried a lot of guilt and worked tirelessly to find success. Looking back, I wish I had given myself more grace and moved onto formula for my mental health. I never expected to appreciate and feel comfortable with daycare as much as I do now. While I love spending time with my daughter, I see how much fun she has and how much she learns, and it reassures me that we’re both where we need to be.

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