Did you always know you would go back to work after starting a family? Why or why not?

Yes. Since I was the sole breadwinner and single parent, it wasn’t even a question.

Tell us about your planning for your new child – timed around your career? Not at all? Share the skinny!

I tried to plan it around my career, but that was pretty much an exercise in futility. International adoptions happen on their own timeline. In the end, I was matched at a pretty inconvenient moment in time: I’d just decided to leave a company that I’d co-founded so I had to get my financial ducks in a row in a hurry. By the time she came home with me, I’d set up a new company (Three Furies) and was working on another business (Tipsy) that would launch within 12 months. Let’s just say that it was a rough year.

What was your biggest initial concern and/or obstacle to going back to work after starting a family?

Childcare. It still is. It’s expensive and complicated to find reliable coverage for the schedule gaps that seem to be built into our lives. I need someone for after-school, which narrows the field because it’s not full time. When my babysitter gets sick or has a family emergency, I have to drop what I’m doing. It’s really, really hard to operate that way.

If you are a single parent, how did you navigate your leave?

Since I’m self employed, I couldn’t take very much time. I hired a babysitter the day I got back from Russia and took a few hours every day for the first 2-3 months. I couldn’t have managed without the income. Truth be told, I needed the break mentally and emotionally, too.

How long was your family leave? If you needed to return to work, how did you feel about it?

I was stressed. I often wonder if I would have been more relaxed if money wasn’t such an issue. I was just so worried and overwhelmed by parenthood, Nina’s deafness, and the stresses on my financial situation.

Have you, or a partner, paid it forward as a parent in the workplace? Tell us a bit more.

I haven’t had the opportunity.

How did you work with your doctor, adoption agency, or Human Resources department to plan for your family leave and return?

They basically ask you if you have a plan, and my plan was to be flexible. Because of Nina’s special needs, I just didn’t know what to expect. I thought my family would be more supportive, but it didn’t happen. I hired help. I’d started the DOE paperwork before I brought Nina home, and that was one of the smartest things I did because I was able to get her enrolled into pre-K very quickly.

A good day is when:

I’m able to be 100% present for Nina and also get the things that I need to get done, done. Most days I’m settling for 50% on both counts.

What I wish I had known:

I didn’t realize how hard it would be to find part-time child care for a special needs child. I lucked out because I met someone who had a flexible schedule and hit it off with Nina. She doesn’t speak sign language but she’s been patient and capable in handling some pretty intense phases, including a very violent tantrum phase (which has passed, thankfully).

One mistake I learned the hard way:

I had bad health insurance. I didn’t realize how bad until it was time to pay for Nina’s cochlear implant. That’s when I discovered that my out of pocket max was close to 20K. I didn’t even know that was possible! I hadn’t educated myself properly and I just wasn’t savvy enough to even understand what to ask. I will say that I tried to get estimates from all the doctors in advance; that was nearly impossible. How is that possible? I get itemized estimates from my vet but it’s not even remotely possible for my kid?

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